Healing the past

Shame and Forgiveness

Last night I watched a movie called Eat, Pray, Love. It’s based on a book by Elizabeth Gilbert. I’ve had this book on my bookshelf for years and started it a few times now. When I was aimlessly scrolling through Netflix I noticed Julia Roberts played the main character so I thought why not. 

In the movie, Julia Roberts realizes she’s unhappy in her marriage and gets a divorce. She decides she’s going to travel the world to gain some insight and to heal and find herself. She travels to Italy, India and Bali and learns something from each place. After watching it, I definitely wanted to book a flight across the world ASAP. 

One thing that I noticed was that in every place she went, people asked if she was married and she’d say no, I’m divorced and in each and every different country it was frowned upon big time. Every time someone would ask her this question I’d cringe inside for her. Shame is so ugly yet people do it and it hurt others.

Since I’ve been noticing what I’m noticing, I looked deeper into my feelings of shame and why a divorced woman in a movie was triggering me. What was the lesson for me? I went back in my mind and memories and remembered when I felt shame as a little girl. My parents were young teenagers in love and oops here I was. Again the issue came up when my 8 month son at the time was not allowed to have a baby dedication service because I wasn’t married.

I always felt out of place and I had to try to fit in with everyone to be liked because of the shame thing. I thought maybe it was like a big tattoo on my face saying she’s damaged, stay away.  I’m almost 40 years old and these thoughts and feelings still come up. It’s a work in progress.  I have to remind myself that I was chosen to be on this planet during this time- not a mistake. I came here with a purpose and a voice with my unique perspective.. Many times when I felt alone I still felt protected from Above. 

I did an AFT (aroma freedom technique) today which uses memories and oils to work through feelings and emotions that come up. Shame and unworthiness came up a couple of times (rounds) in this past I’m not an AFT practitioner, but I know that when I’m fully present in AFT sessions I get so much out of it.  This last time I felt a big shift within me after forgiving people and even myself a couple times. I forgave them for not knowing any better and myself for not speaking up.  I’m so grateful for the tools and community that I have now.  

Forgiveness is not about the other person but more about freeing up the space and energy by releasing that person or situation. I used to think that I had to tell someone when I forgave them meant I had to point out what they did wrong and magically I was the angel. Now I see that I had my part to play as well and I can forgive from afar and send love and light and go on my way and make sure to do better next time. Make sure I’m not shaming myself or people around me that I love. I choose to be more kind and more loving and see more opportunities and possibilities.  

 




My Story

 

Ever since I was a young child, I was always very moody.  Considered ultra sensitive, my anxiety was always through the roof.  As a young adult I got therapy and took prescription drugs which I thought would help.  I even had an as needed anxiety medication I had a panic attack.to keep on me just in case. I just wanted to feel like myself again.I tried different medication and therapists, hypnotherapy, whatever I could find.  When I found out I was pregnant with my son, I decided to stop all medications, even down to over the counter to protect my baby. I liked not taking a bunch of pills daily but I didn’t feel like I was getting any better.  Everyday I put on a face so everyone around me would believe everything was okay when I knew I clearly wasn’t. 


I always clung to a Higher Power for protection and guidance and my faith carried me through many years of uncertainty and very high stress. I was unhappy in my relationships, my job, and more. I felt like my whole life needed a makeover but I had no idea where to even start. One day this lady came into the store where I worked and she shared a new way of thinking.


Now I’m so much happier and feel a million times better overall. My faith in the Universe/Higher Power/God/Spirit grows more and more each day.I am working on my health and wellness and my life has changed drastically. I gained confidence in myself to leave bad relationships, left a job and found a better one (or two).  Most of all I see my dream life vision coming together slowly, yet surely. I’m so excited to help others do the same.I have an amazing support group of awesome women all working together to achieve our dreams. I see that the power of positivity and love is contagious and I’m happy I can share that with the world.  Of course I still have ups and downs but now I have tools to help myself and others that can relate.


Come join our group of amazing ladies all working together to build our dreams in a loving and high vibe atmosphere. 

Are you ready and want to learn more? Contact me! 

Contact

Copyrights © 2025 held by respective copyright holders, including A Healthy Mermaid.