I’m on vacation in Hawaii right now to spend time with family. Our matriarch Grandma Zorayda, or Grams as we affectionately call her, turned 91 years old. To celebrate, family came from all over the country. It was like a mini family reunion. I can’t remember the last time we were all together like this. The age range was from 8 to 91 years old.
My favorite part of the trip overall was the conversations happening. I loved hearing stories of how our family was connected and memories from different people. I loved hearing more about my moms childhood and stories of my Papa who passed in 2003. We laughed and cried together. At Grams birthday party my uncle from Nola was a riot. He sang Ilocano songs to my grandma and she was laughing hysterically. One of my cousins recorded it and Grams loves watching the replay and laughing just as hard as she did when it was happening live.
At dinner one evening, our party was large so we had to be seated at 2 different tables. I was at the “kiddie table” and loved it. I had a pretty deep conversation with my cousin about what I went through in the years we were apart. I told her about my desire to help other single moms to not feel alone but supported. I told her about the courses I’m creating and the life coach program that I’m developing. I told her that I realize now that having a big heart is my superpower when before I shied away from it and was taught to be seen not heard.
Last night was my favorite. The older cousins hung out and talked openly. No topic was off limits. We opened up and learned a lot about each other and the family. And I realized that what brought us closer together was having these talks. No judgment or criticism, just curiosity and openness. It was a beautiful thing and a huge contrast to how things were in the past. When we are kind and loving, showing aloha to ourselves and each other, we can have tough conversations, resolve any issues and get closer.
Now that I’m a parent I have an even bigger responsibility to continue the legacy by holding space and participating in these open and honest conversations and to be a safe place for my son to express himself fully. We may not always disagree but we can always be kind. If we need space it’s ok to take a pause for some fresh air or take a bathroom break.
Coming together with kindness instead of the rough and gruff fear tactics ways of thinking is a much better way. I choose to be loving and kind and have a positive impact on the world one day at a time and one conversation at a time.
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