Switching the word from victim to survivor was huge for me. When I heard other women tell their story and parts of mine, sometimes I hear domestic violence victims or survivors of domestic violence. I refused to be called a victim and anyone else in that situation. Just hearing that word made me cringe because deep down I knew that’s what I was. I thought the way to earn love was by going overboard and taking care of everyone else but me. I couldn’t understand why they still didn’t love and appreciate me and for many years I was stuck in victim mode.
I wasn’t ready for the transformation from victim to survivor until I finally decided and committed to leaving Damian’s dad. I had to take accountability for my messes and clean them up. I had to get myself and my life together. I had to stop blaming him and the world. I was feeling feelings but was in denial about my part in the situation because I was an angel for pleasing others but really, I was toxic myself. In survival mode, I thought I had to fight my way through life and be bitchy or mean for people to hear me, see me or even acknowledge me. I felt like a new woman but it still wasn’t it. I was just making sure that me and my son were staying safe and did what I needed.
Two toxic parents is not good for a very young child and I knew I had to leave as hard as it was. I knew that Damian had been through enough stress and I had to protect him. I even went to school for child development. More than ever, Damian needed me to remember who I was:I was a child of God, I was an amazing first time mom still figuring stuff out. Thankfully and gratefully I found people that loved me before I loved myself and I could finally start giving myself grace and being better than I was the day before.
Damian’s Dad had to take care of himself and figure out his stuff on his own. At the time it was super tough to leave because I didn’t want my son to come from a broken home. I was embarrassed and really harsh on myself. I let the opinions of others affect me for way too long, not wanting to make anyone mad at me.
Now it’s been about 5 years since then and I've gone from victim to survivor to now winner. It was a journey for sure. I’m still learning and growing as I go and now I'm helping other moms remember who they are and give them hope, encouragement and inspiration.
If a loving community of empowered women all working together to achieve their goals sounds like something you’d love, feel free to join my group All Heart and Hopeful, Happy, Healthy Moms.
