What a Difference Two Years Makes!


This week two years ago was our last “normal” week before the pandemic hit. I remember even thinking as I drove past a nail shop that they’ll never close because women (like me!) will always want to get their nails done. When the news reported an outbreak I didn’t really think it was going to affect us like it did. I was soooo wrong.   

All of our stories during the pandemic might have some similarities and quite a bunch of differences but over all we overcame and a chapter in history that is very unique. The year 2020 will always have a tinge of eeriness or uneasiness in my mind and I also see how so many of us caregivers shifted, navigated and persevered and I couldn’t be more amazed and inspired.  

I’d love to memorialize our strengths during this time in a book collaboration.  There are definitely some big time losses and grief and uncertainty and yet we kept going and rolled with the punches.  We were isolated and still connected.  We checked on our people as best we could while keeping our individual families safe the best we knew how.  

If you’d love to be a part of this book collaboration, I'd love to have you.  I am doing the self publishing route so there is a cost involved and if you need a payment plan, no worries I totally get it. What a cool accomplishment to say you’re a published author and have generations after us read our stories of strength, hope and love. Here's the link for more info: https://forms.gle/M8D9Uh2P7rKseLvWA

At first I was excited and grateful for the time to stay home and decompress just me and my son.  We got closer and our bond became tighter. We did our best to come up with our own special lockdown routine and it was interesting. And after over a year of being cooped up in our small one bedroom apartment I was close to losing my shiitake. Thankfully and gratefully I stayed in contact with friends via technology and when the restrictions lifted Damian stayed over at Aunty Crystal's house. Other positive things that came out of the pandemic for me was getting closer to my family back home.  Our weekly Sunday Family Facetimes became a thing which was a first ever.  We catch up and check in on how everyone is doing and my son loves when he gets the floor to tell one or a few silly jokes. My grandma who turned 91 last summer gets a kick out of watching Damian and its been a big blessing to stay connected through video.  

At the beginning of the pandemic the forecast was very doom and gloom but I'm grateful I turned it around and was able to nurture and grow the relationships that matter the most to me. It’s not perfect by any means but I'm grateful for the growth and progress in all of us.

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Change begins in me

It was so easy to blame everyone else for my situation. If only my son’s dad would stop drinking, the fights would stop and everything would be perfect. If only my parents came to help me out more my life would be easier. If only I had my own place things would be more peaceful.  If only I could win the lottery and all my financial troubles would be taken care of. 

At the height of the relationship with my son’s dad, we were fighting a ton and I was in a lot of pain. There were nights that I had to get away from him and would grab my baby and dog and find the cheapest motel room for the night so I could sleep. My final straw was when he wanted to crack open a beer in my car while I was driving and our son was in the back. I refused and I finally put my foot down.  I was crying and yelling and probably to onlookers I looked like a nut case. My mama bear rage was in full force and I didn’t care at all about what anyone thought of me at that moment. 

My therapist suggested I go to Alanon, a 12 step program that helps families of alcoholics.  I hesitated big time and didn’t go until we had this blow up. The closest meeting was not far and I went even though I felt awful. I couldn’t hide my puffy eyes and I was so distraught and sad and defeated.  The people there were very welcoming and they even took turns rocking my son.


At the end of the meeting someone said with so much love, “take care of yourself” I nodded and said yes but I realized that I didn’t even know what that meant. I was so worried about everyone else and I neglected myself too. I was in survival mode and struggling badly.  On the surface I did my best to keep it together. I maintained my job and I started reaching out for help and support. I found friends at exercise classes and online and they became my support system.

I started to create the life that I wanted even though that wasn’t my reality and things started to get better.  There were a lot of ups and downs. I started to tap into my strength and finally found the courage to leave the relationship. I saw how much it was affecting my son and left.  I had to reclaim my power and remember who I was and that I was here for a purpose.  Not only to be a mom to my son but to also help other moms going through similar situations. I was so glad that I started finding my voice and realizing my worth and it all started when I finally started to take care of myself and check in with myself, notice what I notice and started taking care of me for once.

It’s still very much a work in progress and I like to look back and see how far I’ve come and celebrate the wins even though I'm not where I want to be yet. I’m a work in progress and I’m no longer pointing the fingers but taking a look at what I’m doing and what I can do better next time.  Giving myself grace and love helps me move forward and show up for my people.

If you loved this and would love to hear more like this I invite you to hop into my community online where I share, support and empower women to live their best life now. Here’s the link to jump in, and if not no biggie:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/allheartandhopeful