As a little girl, the story of my family was told to me many, many times. My Papa Fernando came over to Kauai on a boat from the Philippines when he was in his early 20s. He worked long hard days on the sugar cane fields sometimes only earning a dollar a day. I always admired my Papa for his hard work and work ethic. He was courageous, brave and determined. I was told you’re going to school, get good grades and then go to college so I wouldn’t have to suffer and work as hard as he did.
Yes school is important. Having knowledge is power but I needed more. I needed a place to talk about my hopes and dreams. I needed to be heard and told as a child that I was important and that I could and would make a difference in this world. I got the impression early on to be seen and not heard. The messages I got were more like eat all your food before you go play, you're too fat, why don’t you lose weight like so and so. You gotta be smart and don’t disappoint us or shame this family. No pressure.
It really did take a village to raise me. My grandparents and aunt and uncle and church family and neighbors all helped take care of me. My parents were young and they didn’t know any better. Everyone did the best they could at the time.
I was always the overly sensitive one. Crying at every little thing and I didn’t understand why. I didn’t know how to manage my emotions or even identify what I was feeling.
In the 2nd grade my school counselor started a club called Banana Splits where I could talk about what I felt. I thought something was wrong with me because my parents split up. I'm so grateful that I had other kids talk about what they were going through too so I didn’t feel so alone. I had no idea that many kids came from broken families then.
I can’t remember anyone talking about feelings very much or having tough conversations. Maybe the adults in my life were trying to just protect me but it made me repress a lot of emotions. Now as an adult I’ve done a lot of work on myself to understand my emotions and thought patterns. I’m breaking through my limiting beliefs and speaking up for the little girl I was back then.
Now that I’m a mom, my son is a mirror of me. He is highly sensitive and is figuring out how to navigate his emotions being an only child and dad in and out. I don't think there is such a thing as the perfect parent but I do my best to give him a safe place to express himself. Thankfully and gratefully I've created my own village. Damian has a bunch of aunties, uncles, grandparents and more and I couldn't do this without you guys.. Thank you This is how we change the world, by taking care of our families and helping our extended families and communities. It doesn't cost anything to be kind or send love and light.
Last week it was International Dance Day. I celebrated with a fun and spontaneous Zumba birthday party on YouTube to celebrate twenty years of Zumba. It was a ton of fun and totally unexpected. I couldn’t help but think about how I first got started with Zumba.
My mom was the person that said I should try it out. My first class was on Valentines day in 2011. I invited a friend to meet me at the place and dance with me. I had no idea what to expect. From my first class I was hooked. It was a great workout and the energy of the class was awesome. Figuring out fancy footwork and choreography made me excited and happy. I learned how to samba, salsa, and more and felt free dancing. Free from judgement and worry.
Every class gave me the chance to get out of my head and get my body moving. No matter whatever stressful situation I was in whether it was relationship problems, work drama or school assignments and deadlines, I would put that outside of my mind for the hour and just let it loose and sweat it out. It was a huge stress reliever for me. The levels of stress and depression I felt was overwhelmingly scary at times. Panic and anxiety attacks were a daily thing. I’m so happy and grateful I had a positive way to process and release some of the stress I was going through.
Zumba became a part of my weekly routine and went to at least 2 (if not 3 or 4) classes a week. I made friends with the teachers and other people taking the class. Something about good music and good energy brings people together.
I kept going even when I was pregnant with my son and continued after he was born. Some of the ladies would carry or play with him when he was a baby baby so I could enjoy the few minutes of dancing before I’d have to go back to reality. .To this day, Damian loves being around music and loves to dance. One of my favorite memories of him is when he was about two years old He got up on the stage with the teacher Jenn, and danced with her in front of the entire class of over 30 people. It was so adorably sweet.
The thing that I love the most about dance is it's own language all on its own. People from all over the world can feel the music even if they don’t understand the words. You’d think I’d know Spanish by now! LOL When I let my guard down and move to the rhythm I can enjoy it more fully. When I relax and feel the music instead of worry about what I look like or compare myself to others I am more successful at nailing the steps and timing.
I am soooooo very thankful for my Zumba family. They have been a constant part of my life for over 10 years and I’m ready to keep dancing and spreading good energy and love for many more years to come.
