It Takes a Village

As a little girl, the story of my family was told to me many, many times. My Papa Fernando came over to Kauai on a boat from the Philippines when he was in his early 20s. He worked long hard days on the sugar cane fields sometimes only earning a dollar a day.  I always admired my Papa for his hard work and work ethic. He was courageous, brave and determined.  I was told you’re going to school, get good grades and then go to college so I wouldn’t have to suffer and work as hard as he did.  

Yes school is important.  Having knowledge is power but I needed more. I needed a place to talk about my hopes and dreams. I needed to be heard and told as a child that I was important and that I could and would make a difference in this world.  I got the impression early on to be seen and not heard. The messages I got were more like eat all your food before you go play,  you're too fat, why don’t you lose weight like so and so.  You gotta be smart and don’t disappoint us or shame this family. No pressure. 

It really did take a village to raise me.  My grandparents and aunt and uncle and church family and neighbors all helped take care of me. My parents were young and they didn’t know any better. Everyone did the best they could at the time.  

I was always the overly sensitive one. Crying at every little thing and I didn’t understand why.  I didn’t know how to manage my emotions or even identify what I was feeling. 

In the 2nd grade my school counselor started a club called Banana Splits where I could talk about what I felt. I thought something was wrong with me because my parents split up. I'm so grateful that I had other kids talk about what they were going through too so I didn’t feel so alone.  I had no idea that many kids came from broken families then. 

I can’t remember anyone talking about feelings very much or having tough conversations. Maybe the adults in my life were trying to just protect me but it made me repress a lot of emotions.  Now as an adult I’ve done a lot of work on myself to understand my emotions and thought patterns. I’m breaking through my limiting beliefs and speaking up for the little girl I was back then. 

Now that I’m a mom, my son is a mirror of me. He is highly sensitive and is figuring out how to navigate his emotions being an only child and dad in and out.  I don't think there is such a thing as the perfect parent but I do my best to give him a safe place to express himself. Thankfully and gratefully I've created my own village. Damian has a bunch of aunties, uncles, grandparents and more and I couldn't do this without you guys.. Thank you This is how we change the world, by taking care of our families and helping our extended families and communities.  It doesn't cost anything to be kind or send love and light.