By far, the best thing that ever happened to me was becoming a mommy. The moment I found out I was pregnant my whole life changed. After hearing Damian’s heart beat at the first doctor’s appointment, I had a renewed purpose and frankly a reason to live again. I got chicken skin knowing this sweet and precious human depended 1000% on me to survive. Part of me felt like I wasn’t worthy. I didn’t feel ready to become a parent. I didn’t plan for it to happen the way it did, but I always knew that I wanted to be a mom and I knew this wasn’t just an accident.
I felt really alone. My best friend at the time told me that I could get an abortion and say I miscarried and thinking about that just broke my heart. I wanted so much for my son’s dad to be there for me and he tried, but he was struggling with his own demons. I think a part of me hoped that having a baby would bring us closer together. I wanted my family to be with me too but because they’re in Hawaii it wasn’t feasible at that time. Thankfully and gratefully I insisted on having a doula for support. Jenn was amazing and walked with me every step from before delivery, to during giving birth (she literally showered me down in the hospital room for what seemed like hours) and checked in with us after Damian arrived. I’m forever grateful that I had the natural birth that I wanted for me and my son.
When I became a Mom I realized how powerful I truly was. I survived a rough pregnancy alone, pushed a 7 lb baby out naturally and left the man that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. After Damian was born the lessons showed up more and more. Lessons of patience, gratitude, trust, faith and the importance of a positive attitude were becoming obvious to me. It was almost like a mirror to show me what I needed to work on for myself to then teach my little one. But the most precious treasure from all of this was now I would experience first hand what unconditional love is: Loving someone who is imperfectly perfect just for being who they are and vice versa.
My goal is to raise my son to be an honorable man who is well respected in the community and serves others. I’m so grateful that I have a little partner in crime to go through life with and I’m excited to see what’s next for our family and how we can help a bunch of families too.
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