If you missed it, here's part one of this blog here: https://lesliefontanilla.com/blog/29154/so-grateful-for-my-partner-in-believing-crystal-pt-1-
The change that I noticed in Damian has been the biggest impact for me. The first time we went over he did not want to give me any space even though their yard is bigger than my apartment. He would check on me constantly and his tantrums were almost unbearable. Aunty Crystal stepped up and was able to speak his language and give me space to process and release as well. Now Damian knows Auntys is a safe space for him and us. With their toys and big trampoline and animals there’s always a ton to do and explore and create. Now he never wants to leave and when we haven’t visited in awhile he will ask, “When are we going to Aunty’s?!”
My son and I are both highly sensitive people and to process our big feelings in a way and place that feels good is so different. In the past I was told my feelings were wrong or too much and basically, I was too much to handle. Seeing him expressing himself and gaining confidence and courage to know it's ok to have feelings as long as we don’t hurt others or ourselves in the process. We are all weird and different in our own way and that’s our superpower.
Feeling safe to open up and be ourselves completely and without judgement with unconditional love is so huge and has been a game changer for us. Now Damian and I are closer than ever before. We are having more conversations and having more fun together. Everyday is a work in progress and I am just so grateful for Crystal’s guidance and support and I know we will be partners in believing for this lifetime and our impact will be felt for generations to come by taking of ourselves first and giving ourselves the love we need and deserve so we can help more families do the same.
Three years ago I hosted a clean makeup party at my small apartment. It was the first time I gave this a try. I just signed up with new company. My sponsor told me we had a team that was growing. I learned about Crystal and started watching her videos online. I wanted to figure out how to run my side hustle with ease while having a single mom and working a full time job. I had very little free time or, let’s be honest, energy to host weekly in person events. Crystal and her sister Cass showed up to my place at my event and we hit it off. I was so grateful they came. The get together was rough to say the least. The lighting was bad, there were barely enough seats for everyone, and I was nervous and stressed. My niece, her 2 year old son and my son were there too. The kids played in the bedroom for a while but then after so long they wanted to see what was going on and who was over because it was a rare occasion. Damian was so happy and energetic seeing all these new faces at our place. Crystal and Cass totally didn’t miss a beat and played with him while I was doing my thing being a good hostess and not showing how stressed out I was. I couldn’t thank them enough! We made plans to hang out again soon.
What I didn’t know is how much we had in common. As I spent more and more time with Crystal, it became more apparent to me our connection wasn’t just about the business. I learned so much about her story and how it related to mine. We both have similar dreams where we are our own boss working from home and spending more time with our families. We both want nothing more than to see our kids grow up into kind and loving humans and make a positive impact on the world doing what they would love.
We opened up more and more about all things Mom life and learned about our childhood traumas and how we’ve been healing. What things worked for us and why and what didn’t work and why. We had a bunch of deep conversations that were mind blowing and healing. We laughed and cried together too many times to count.
We resonated with some of the same mentors and quickly we started having daily check-ins to make sure we were on the right track towards our vision. If one of us was feeling low energy we check in and hold space and listen and give feedback when needed. It’s never a do this or else energy. Now we ask the questions, “What feels good and What would I love”. No more push and shove and scare tactics as recovering control freaks but more listening to the inner voice, the soul's voice.
It’s officially back to school time. Parents and kids are excited and nervous as we navigate going back to in person classes in the Bay Area.
This year’s start was an interesting one. Damian started off the week in a whirlwind. Day one he got hit in the eye by a new kid who got upset after kickball. I’m so proud of him that he didn’t lose his temper and fight back. Day two he had a really bad tummy ache. Today is Day 3 as I write this and I wasn’t sure at first if he should go to school or stay home.
In the past I would have just powered through it and made him go to school and pushed myself to go to work. This time I talked to a few trusted friends to see what they thought and I decided to trust my gut and keep him home. Years ago I’d be so mad at myself if I needed to take a day off. I’d freak out over how many hours I’d be getting and be worried sick and full of fear. Today thankfully it’s a different story. I know when I trust in God and am open to the possibilities good things happen. Things start coming together more and more and this adds to the belief that everything happens for a reason.
Maybe D was overstimulated and stressed from the transition from our very small circle to over 300 kids and starting a new grade with a new teacher. This was very different from second grade which was distance learning from home with me. Regardless, it was clear he needed his rest so staying home was the best option to spend the day together taking it easy.
I got my child development bachelor's degree years ago and I’m using it in my own way by making a positive impact on families starting with my own. We are more loving and kind to each other and our communication is so much better. I had to work on myself first and I see now it’s how you treat people that impacts people one way or another. In deciding to be kinder to myself, I am reminded that it’s perfectly okay and healthy to take a pause. I used to associate taking a pause as quitting and I don’t like giving up. Now I see the pause as part of the dance. We go forward and back, take a spin here, go slower, or faster there. It’s all part of the journey.
I give myself permission to take a rest day or a break as needed. I understand and appreciate those breaks now. I realize it's a way of honoring and taking care of myself. Without the necessary pauses, we can dangerously burn out like the candle burning at both ends. Let’s enjoy every moment because it goes by so fast! I can’t believe Damian is in the 3rd grade already! I share my light and message of love and care for ourselves, our keikis, and communities. Together we can have our positive impact be felt all over the world.
Looking back there are choices or forks in the road that had a big influence on where I am today.
One of the first forks in the road for me was when I was 10 years old. My parents rekindled their romance and decided to move to Maui from Kauai. They had asked if I wanted to go with them but I had just got accepted into the same school that my friends were going to so I said I wanted to stay on a Kauai and my aunt and uncle agreed to take me in.
The next fork in the road that I can remember was when I was 16 I was told it was time for me to switch schools again and I had a choice between a very conservative school in California or a more reasonable school in Michigan. I had wanted to either stay at my school that I had attended since the 5th grade and or a boarding school on Oahu but my aunt and uncle refused. I ended up choosing the Michigan school and I made several close friends there that I still keep in contact with even now 20 years later.
A third fork was after my first hard breakup. I moved to San Francisco to be with my boyfriend at the time and after 3. 1/2 years together I had to decide if I was going to stay in the Bay Area or go back home to Hawaii. I chose to stay and get my degree. My initial plan was to come up to California for 4 years to get my degree and come right back home but that didn’t happen.
There's another fork that may seem shocking or maybe you didn't know I went through. Check out the video above if you're curious :)
These are just a few examples of times where God, the universe, my creator looked out for me and guided me on the right path for me. There are many other times I can think of that I am thankful for every step along the way. The journey has been an interesting one with twists and turns and many obstacles and it’s still a journey I’m learning to navigate. All the memories, the good and the bad, the highs and lows, all helped shape me into what and who I’m becoming and I’m so grateful for all of it and what's coming next.
At the beginning of the year I thought about what was important to me and how I wanted my 2021 to turnout. After 2020 I had the chance to pause and pivot while being on lockdown. In January, I came up with goals in several key areas of life. I thought about what I wanted my life to look like with my family, fun, finance, field, fitness, friends and faith. I came up with 3 goals in each of these categories and from those 7 goals picked the one that resonated with me the most. In my past, I probably would have easily picked fitness and to lose so many pounds. This time I wanted to do something new and different. I choose me, all of me. I decided my number one goal for this year was to be my own best friend.
Over half the year has gone by and I realized that it was time to check in and evaluate how things are going with my goal.
The first part of this goal was to get to know myself more. Like really get to know myself for me and really examining what’s in my heart of hearts. After becoming a mommy, raising Damian was my focus and overtook my life. It’s still definitely a huge part and I love being a mom but besides that who was I? I really thought about what values were important to me and why. In 2019 I broke up with my then boyfriend and I was sad but also relieved. I needed a break from trying to please others and start making myself happy. It was the first time I let myself be single and focus on myself first. In my past I’d go from relationship to relationship and I knew it wasn’t healthy. Instead I started to date myself. It was of course painful at first but now I like not having to answer to anyone and I do what I want when I want period.
After some self-examination with a heart centered approach instead of the harsh "shoulding" on myself constantly, I focused on the friendship part and thought about the relationships I have in my close circle. My tribe, as I call them, believes in me and reminds me of my awesomeness just for being me. They reassure me that my heart is one of gold and my resilience in how far I’ve come. They love me for me on my good and bad days and remind me I'm enough just the way I am. This year I've been more mindful about how I talk to myself and therefore treat myself.
One of the biggest parts of being my own best friend is listening to my gut more and being more confident in my skin. Taking a pause when needed to ask myself what I would really love and listen for the answer helped me be more in tune with myself. I am still very much a work in progress but I am happy that I am making myself a top priority after neglecting myself for many years. I’m grateful for my tribe and the unconditional love they give so freely.
If you liked this blog and would love more, feel free to hop into my group All Heart and Hopeful, Happy and Healthy Moms where we talk about topics like this and more.
