For many years I was in survival mode. I wasn’t sure when I got home from school or work if I was going to walk into peace and calm or insane chaos. I was only focused on staying safe and making sure I was getting to work to collect my paycheck. I had severe anxiety and depression and had no idea how I was going to keep this rat race up. I felt like a mom zombie going through the motions and barely surviving because that’s what I was expected to do.
Thankfully a couple years later, I connected with my life coach Lauren. She spoke at a workshop at my previous job and her message really resonated with me. I respected her because she was intelligent, articulate and kind. Before her the life coaches that I met before her kind of made me feel like they were trying to fix me. Lauren was different and I could tell that she believed in me and still does
I remember a story she told at the first workshop I heard her speak at. She told a story about a fisherman who every time he caught a fish would hold it up to a broken off ruler. If it was smaller than the ruler he would put it in his cooler and if it was longer, he would throw it back into the water. This happened over and over. This got the curiosity of a younger, less experienced fisherman. He went up to the older fisherman and asked about his interesting strategy. The old man explained that the broken off ruler was the size of his frying pan. It was funny yet thought provoking.
It’s a funny story because why not get a bigger frying pan for bigger fish to fry. And its thought provoking because it made me wonder how many times in the past I’ve put limits on myself either knowingly or unknowingly that stopped me from opportunities. It’s a good reminder that the possibilities are endless.
One of the biggest tells of a good mentor is one who practices what they preach and Lauren definitely does that. When I first met her she had just left her teaching job to start her coaching business and she is blowing up. When I see the success stories of her clients I knew that I had to say yes and get help too.
If you liked this blog and would love to learn more about Lauren Brollier, check out her website www.soulsavvy.com. I can not recommend her enough!
Last night I watched a movie called Eat, Pray, Love. It’s based on a book by Elizabeth Gilbert. I’ve had this book on my bookshelf for years and started it a few times now. When I was aimlessly scrolling through Netflix I noticed Julia Roberts played the main character so I thought why not.
In the movie, Julia Roberts realizes she’s unhappy in her marriage and gets a divorce. She decides she’s going to travel the world to gain some insight and to heal and find herself. She travels to Italy, India and Bali and learns something from each place. After watching it, I definitely wanted to book a flight across the world ASAP.
One thing that I noticed was that in every place she went, people asked if she was married and she’d say no, I’m divorced and in each and every different country it was frowned upon big time. Every time someone would ask her this question I’d cringe inside for her. Shame is so ugly yet people do it and it hurt others.
Since I’ve been noticing what I’m noticing, I looked deeper into my feelings of shame and why a divorced woman in a movie was triggering me. What was the lesson for me? I went back in my mind and memories and remembered when I felt shame as a little girl. My parents were young teenagers in love and oops here I was. Again the issue came up when my 8 month son at the time was not allowed to have a baby dedication service because I wasn’t married.
I always felt out of place and I had to try to fit in with everyone to be liked because of the shame thing. I thought maybe it was like a big tattoo on my face saying she’s damaged, stay away. I’m almost 40 years old and these thoughts and feelings still come up. It’s a work in progress. I have to remind myself that I was chosen to be on this planet during this time- not a mistake. I came here with a purpose and a voice with my unique perspective.. Many times when I felt alone I still felt protected from Above.
I did an AFT (aroma freedom technique) today which uses memories and oils to work through feelings and emotions that come up. Shame and unworthiness came up a couple of times (rounds) in this past I’m not an AFT practitioner, but I know that when I’m fully present in AFT sessions I get so much out of it. This last time I felt a big shift within me after forgiving people and even myself a couple times. I forgave them for not knowing any better and myself for not speaking up. I’m so grateful for the tools and community that I have now.
Forgiveness is not about the other person but more about freeing up the space and energy by releasing that person or situation. I used to think that I had to tell someone when I forgave them meant I had to point out what they did wrong and magically I was the angel. Now I see that I had my part to play as well and I can forgive from afar and send love and light and go on my way and make sure to do better next time. Make sure I’m not shaming myself or people around me that I love. I choose to be more kind and more loving and see more opportunities and possibilities.
