Holiday Hell to Healing

Holiday Hell to Healing
Growing up I loved the holidays. I always appreciated a reason to be festive and dress up or wear a color or express a theme. It was an excuse to have fun and I really liked that as a kid.  As I got older I loved celebrating all the things, birthdays, holidays, anniversaries and other special occasions. 

St. patricks day was one of those holidays where I wore green but that’s about it. I was never big on the pot of gold or leprechauns.  One year Damian made a contraption to catch the leprechaun the night before and I had fun pretending to do (minimal) damage after he was asleep.  Damian has green eyes so he won’t get pinched if he forgets.  I remember one year when I was in elementary school, I got pinched so hard for forgetting to wear green that I never ever forgot again. 

I was hard core on the holidays until I got into a relationship with an alcoholic. Every holiday and especially St. Patricks Day was an excuse to drink and things would get intense. The green beer from the festival in downtown San Francisco was fun until it wasn’t and I’d have to deal with the aftermath.  It was extremely stressful and I was depressed and caught in the middle of wanting to keep my family together and wanting to leave. Thankfully I did get the courage and strength to leave but not after I fought hard to keep my family together.  

I know now that leaving was the best thing for me and my son. The ptsd and anxiety from that relationship is still very real and still affects me and my relationships even now. It was terrifying leaving knowing that I wouldn't have his help financially or emotionally but I also knew that this wasn’t healthy for me or our son.  We were terrorizing each other if I’m completely honest.  I was a control freak begging him to stop drinking but he chose not too.  If I had stayed I don’t know if I’d be here to tell this story and I know that part of my purpose is to encourage women to take care of themselves and do what’s best for them and their mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health. 

Now I am happy and grateful for the space and the progress. I started enjoying the holidays more with way less stress and anxiety and much more fun and laughter.  It’s much more enjoyable with Damian and I making our own holiday  traditions and finding different ways to make it fun together.  

If you enjoyed this and would love more, I invite you to join my group All Heart and Hopeful Resilient Moms Putting Themselves First For Once on Facebook.  

What a Difference Two Years Makes!


This week two years ago was our last “normal” week before the pandemic hit. I remember even thinking as I drove past a nail shop that they’ll never close because women (like me!) will always want to get their nails done. When the news reported an outbreak I didn’t really think it was going to affect us like it did. I was soooo wrong.   

All of our stories during the pandemic might have some similarities and quite a bunch of differences but over all we overcame and a chapter in history that is very unique. The year 2020 will always have a tinge of eeriness or uneasiness in my mind and I also see how so many of us caregivers shifted, navigated and persevered and I couldn’t be more amazed and inspired.  

I’d love to memorialize our strengths during this time in a book collaboration.  There are definitely some big time losses and grief and uncertainty and yet we kept going and rolled with the punches.  We were isolated and still connected.  We checked on our people as best we could while keeping our individual families safe the best we knew how.  

If you’d love to be a part of this book collaboration, I'd love to have you.  I am doing the self publishing route so there is a cost involved and if you need a payment plan, no worries I totally get it. What a cool accomplishment to say you’re a published author and have generations after us read our stories of strength, hope and love. Here's the link for more info: https://forms.gle/M8D9Uh2P7rKseLvWA

At first I was excited and grateful for the time to stay home and decompress just me and my son.  We got closer and our bond became tighter. We did our best to come up with our own special lockdown routine and it was interesting. And after over a year of being cooped up in our small one bedroom apartment I was close to losing my shiitake. Thankfully and gratefully I stayed in contact with friends via technology and when the restrictions lifted Damian stayed over at Aunty Crystal's house. Other positive things that came out of the pandemic for me was getting closer to my family back home.  Our weekly Sunday Family Facetimes became a thing which was a first ever.  We catch up and check in on how everyone is doing and my son loves when he gets the floor to tell one or a few silly jokes. My grandma who turned 91 last summer gets a kick out of watching Damian and its been a big blessing to stay connected through video.  

At the beginning of the pandemic the forecast was very doom and gloom but I'm grateful I turned it around and was able to nurture and grow the relationships that matter the most to me. It’s not perfect by any means but I'm grateful for the growth and progress in all of us.

If you loved this and would love more like this, I invite you to hop into my group All heart and Hopeful Resilient Moms Putting Themselves First For Once on Facebook.



Change begins in me

It was so easy to blame everyone else for my situation. If only my son’s dad would stop drinking, the fights would stop and everything would be perfect. If only my parents came to help me out more my life would be easier. If only I had my own place things would be more peaceful.  If only I could win the lottery and all my financial troubles would be taken care of. 

At the height of the relationship with my son’s dad, we were fighting a ton and I was in a lot of pain. There were nights that I had to get away from him and would grab my baby and dog and find the cheapest motel room for the night so I could sleep. My final straw was when he wanted to crack open a beer in my car while I was driving and our son was in the back. I refused and I finally put my foot down.  I was crying and yelling and probably to onlookers I looked like a nut case. My mama bear rage was in full force and I didn’t care at all about what anyone thought of me at that moment. 

My therapist suggested I go to Alanon, a 12 step program that helps families of alcoholics.  I hesitated big time and didn’t go until we had this blow up. The closest meeting was not far and I went even though I felt awful. I couldn’t hide my puffy eyes and I was so distraught and sad and defeated.  The people there were very welcoming and they even took turns rocking my son.


At the end of the meeting someone said with so much love, “take care of yourself” I nodded and said yes but I realized that I didn’t even know what that meant. I was so worried about everyone else and I neglected myself too. I was in survival mode and struggling badly.  On the surface I did my best to keep it together. I maintained my job and I started reaching out for help and support. I found friends at exercise classes and online and they became my support system.

I started to create the life that I wanted even though that wasn’t my reality and things started to get better.  There were a lot of ups and downs. I started to tap into my strength and finally found the courage to leave the relationship. I saw how much it was affecting my son and left.  I had to reclaim my power and remember who I was and that I was here for a purpose.  Not only to be a mom to my son but to also help other moms going through similar situations. I was so glad that I started finding my voice and realizing my worth and it all started when I finally started to take care of myself and check in with myself, notice what I notice and started taking care of me for once.

It’s still very much a work in progress and I like to look back and see how far I’ve come and celebrate the wins even though I'm not where I want to be yet. I’m a work in progress and I’m no longer pointing the fingers but taking a look at what I’m doing and what I can do better next time.  Giving myself grace and love helps me move forward and show up for my people.

If you loved this and would love to hear more like this I invite you to hop into my community online where I share, support and empower women to live their best life now. Here’s the link to jump in, and if not no biggie:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/allheartandhopeful

Do you know my mentor Martha??

Do you know my mentor Martha??
If you don’t, you totally should!! She is a heart centered Mama that went from broke alcoholic living in someone’s basement to making millions monthly.  Yes, monthly! And she’s showing us her students how she did it.  Another friend and mentor made $100k last year working Martha’s strategy and there are a ton more success stories.  She goes live on Youtube Monday through Friday at 7 am PST and I invite you to check her out.  

I’m currently working the strategy myself because ever since things started opening back up again after lockdown I realized just how much I enjoyed and preferred working from home.  Also getting a taste of being my own boss was exhilarating.  I’m convinced that we were not created to just work at a job during the day, pay bills and be burned out and too tired to enjoy time with our families.  I know my son is my motivation and reason for doing all the things. I want to spend more time with him and be present instead of feeling like a chicken with its head cut off from doing all the things in the hustle and bustle. 

Right now I’m putting the pieces together with Martha’s system and I’d like to invite you to join me if this sounds like something you’d like to do.  Her program Home Based Revolution is well worth over the price its at right now.  In fact it’s going up to $10k soon so I invite you to jump in now before the price increase happens.  Martha works with people in a variety of industries from nurses to stay at home moms to notary franchises and more. If you always wanted to be a business owner Martha is a great mentor to have to lead the way.  Even if you have no idea what you’d do for sales or anything even. Martha helps you find your people and then shows how you show up to serve them.  What I love about Martha is she over delivers every single time. She doesn’t just tell you what to do but she does the same thing herself and she’s super transparent and no fluff and all heart.  

Here's a video she did that explains more: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnPx8VacJBc

I’d feel awful if I didn’t let you know about this amazing opportunity. Her mission is to create 1 million invincible families by 2026 and I’d love to be a part of this movement and create massive positive impact for our families and especially our kids. 

Here’s the link if you’d like to hop in and if not no biggie.  https://gold.withmartha.com/hbr?ref=lesliefontanilla&tap_a=97650-a8eaaa Use the code REFERRAL for the best pricing.  




Switching it up with the Drop the Hate Lose the Weight

Every January ever since I can remember I’d set a new year's resolution to lose weight.  New years Eve I’d over indulge in food and booze and then swore that starting January 1st it was a new year and new me and that I would wake up before the sunrise and workout and eat well.  I’d usually get my workout on the first day but by the second week of January my new year's resolution was out the window. Can anyone else relate?

In the beginning of 2021 I was invited to join a diet bet with some friends. I thought it was a good idea to use money as a motivator to lose weight.  However I noticed every month before weighing in time the dread and shame and stress of stepping on the scale.  There were a few months that I cried when I stepped on the scale and saw a number I didn’t like.  In October I was really close to throwing in the towel on the entire diet bet because of the effect it was having on my mental health.  

I reached out to a friend and mentor and decided to switch up my mindset on it.  I made a decision to make it fun and easy going forward. The biggest part of the shift was I was going to stop beating myself up. I was doing the best I could.  I wasn’t going to be a drill sergeant about my food and exercise. I wanted to enjoy every bite. 

This was put to the test a little bit when my foodie cousin came to town. I asked her what she wanted to do on her visit and instead of sightseeing she wanted to eat.  And oh my goodness we did.  We went to several bakeries, cafes and restaurants and enjoyed every single bite. We had lots of yummy food, great conversation and so much fun.  When it was time to weigh in I was more nonchalant about it this time. I was okay with whatever the number would be and to my surprise and delight I lost 6 pounds!

I kept this mindset shift of being nicer to myself and checking in with myself until the end of the year and even now.  Thanksgiving I enjoyed every bite and ate to my hearts content. I’ve always loved the Thanksgiving meal and Crystal threw it down in the kitchen and had us over. I tasted everything and even had seconds with zero guilt.  On weigh in day I gained only 2 pounds. That was a win. And on my last weigh in of the year on New Years Eve I weighed in and lost 4 pounds. 

It’s not just about the number on the scale. In fact I’m not going to be stepping on that thing for awhile. I learned that it was a huge trigger for me and that my mental health and wellness is more important and it has a big effect on my physical health. Being kinder to myself and listening to my body has been a game changer and I intend to kept it going. 

At the beginning of the year we did the Drop the Hate Lose the Weight challenge where we continued this strategy.  Noticing what we notice and be kinder to ourselves.  Thanking our bodies for keeping us healthy and functioning and giving ourselves grace to have more fun and ease and enjoy life.  If you missed the live challenge, hop into From Dysfunctioning to Functioning Families group on Facebook.  We all deserve to live a life we love.

 
Read Older Updates Read Newer Updates