Damian is grateful for Aunty Crystal too (pt 2)

If you missed it, here's part one of this blog here: https://lesliefontanilla.com/blog/29154/so-grateful-for-my-partner-in-believing-crystal-pt-1-

The change that I noticed in Damian has been the biggest impact for me.  The first time we went over he did not want to give me any space even though their yard is bigger than my apartment.  He would check on me constantly and his tantrums were almost unbearable.  Aunty Crystal stepped up and was able to speak his language and give me space to process and release as well.  Now Damian knows Auntys is a safe space for him and us.  With their toys and big trampoline and animals there’s always a ton to do and explore and create.  Now he never wants to leave and when we haven’t visited in awhile he will ask, “When are we going to Aunty’s?!”

The biggest tool we’ve taken away so far is the shift your shiitake strategy.  It comes back to check our own energy, seeing how it affects others and taking responsibility and accountability for our actions.  Damian is so much better now at using his words. There’s a kid sized red shift your shiitake chair that D used a few times. When he has big feelings he sits there and calms down and processes the situation. It’s like a mindful and graceful personal time out.  

My son and I are both highly sensitive people and to process our big feelings in a way and place that feels good is so different.  In the past I was told my feelings were wrong or too much and basically, I was too much to handle.  Seeing him expressing himself and gaining confidence and courage to know it's ok to have feelings as long as we don’t hurt others or ourselves in the process.  We are all weird and different in our own way and that’s our superpower. 

Feeling safe to open up and be ourselves completely and without judgement with unconditional love is so huge and has been a game changer for us.  Now Damian and I are closer than ever before. We are having more conversations and having more fun together. Everyday is a work in progress and I am just so grateful for Crystal’s guidance and support and I know we will be partners in believing for this lifetime and our impact will be felt for generations to come by taking of ourselves first and giving ourselves the love we need and deserve so we can help more families do the same.  

If you loved this and would love more I invite you to hop into my group, All Heart and Hopeful Resilient Moms for more.  It's where I'm hosting my next challenge Bye Mean Girl Bye starting November 7th and then saved in the guides section forever more.   <3


So grateful for my partner in believing Crystal (pt 1)

Three years ago I hosted a clean makeup party at my small apartment. It was the first time I gave this a try. I  just signed up with new company. My sponsor told me we had a team that was growing. I learned about Crystal and started watching her videos online.  I wanted to figure out how to run my side hustle with ease while having a single mom and working a full time job. I had very little free time or, let’s be honest, energy to host weekly in person events.  Crystal and her sister Cass showed up to my place at my event and we hit it off. I was so grateful they came. The get together was rough to say the least. The lighting was bad, there were barely enough seats for everyone, and I was nervous and stressed. My niece, her 2 year old son and my son were there too.  The kids played in the bedroom for a while but then after so long they wanted to see what was going on and who was over because it was a rare occasion.  Damian was so happy and energetic seeing all these new faces at our place.  Crystal and Cass totally didn’t miss a beat and played with him while I was doing my thing being a good hostess and not showing how stressed out I was. I couldn’t thank them enough! We made plans to hang out again soon.

What I didn’t know is how much we had in common.  As I spent more and more time with Crystal, it became more apparent to me our connection wasn’t just about the business. I learned so much about her story and how it related to mine.  We both have similar dreams where we are our own boss working from home and spending more time with our families. We both want nothing more than to see our kids grow up into kind and loving humans and make a positive impact on the world doing what they would love. 

We opened up more and more about all things Mom life and learned about our childhood traumas and how we’ve been healing. What things worked for us and why and what didn’t work and why.  We had a bunch of deep conversations that were mind blowing and healing. We laughed and cried together too many times to count.  

We resonated with some of the same mentors and quickly we started having daily check-ins to make sure we were on the right track towards our vision. If one of us was feeling low energy we check in and hold space and listen and give feedback when needed.  It’s never a do this or else energy. Now we ask the questions, “What feels good and What would I love”. No more push and shove and scare tactics as recovering control freaks but more listening to the inner voice, the soul's voice. 

Stay tuned for part 2 next week of what I changes I've noticed  in Damian. 


If you loved this and would love more I invite you to hop into my group, All Heart and Hopeful Resilient Moms for more.  It's where I'm hosting my next challenge Bye Mean Girl Bye starting November 7th and then saved in the guides section forever more.   <3


This company has saved me time and made me some money too

This company has saved me time and made me some money too

Yesterday I stayed home from work because I wasn't feeling well.  I had not slept well the night before and woke up with an excruciating migraine. My head hurt, my eyes hurt from light and I knew I needed to just take the day off for myself.  I’ve had a very highly stressful week with unexpected things happening. One of the things was that my car wasn’t running safely so my car and I have been staying put.  This was the first time in a long time that I’ve given myself permission to take a rest day with no guilt. I knew I had to honor myself in this way. .

After I slept some I woke up feeling much better and I did some housework including cleaning out my fridge and since I couldn’t take my car to do errands, I used Instacart to grab groceries. I’m so so grateful that I was able to order my groceries easily on their app and within a couple of hours the groceries were delivered to my door.

This isn’t the first time Instacart has helped me. Even before the pandemic Instacart was a life saver.  When I was going through a nasty custody battle in court over my son when he was 3 years old and needed extra funds, I worked for them as a shopper.  I remembered years ago that my Aunty Tracie worked as one when she lived in New York City and I thought why not give it a try.  Using their mobile app I would shop in various stores and then deliver groceries. It was a decent side gig. Sometimes I’d bring Damian with me and he’d help me shop for the orders or help me when I was delivering. I was grateful for the additional income stream to help with the bills and costs of living on my own since my day job didn’t cover all my expenses.

Then a few years later when we were on lockdown for several months, Instacart came through for me as a customer. Being extremely cautious about leaving my apartment during quarantine, the ease of having our groceries delivered helped me immensely.  Every shopper has been nice and when there is an issue, which is rare, is handled right away. Overall I like the customer service, ease and income they provide. 

If you’d love to take one more thing off your to-do list and want to give them a try, use my link https://inst.cr/t/MFByWk1NMzM3 to get $10 off your first order and let me know what you think!

Grateful for So Much

The idea for my next blog was a completely different topic than what I’m writing now.  The very rough draft is saved for another time.  As I tried to write it, the blog words didn’t feel right and weren't flowing how I wanted so I knew it was time to pivot. 

This week was another roller coaster. Ups and downs and big feelings.  This time it hit closer to home.  I’ve lived in my apartment complex in Oakland since February 2015.  My son was 2 years old when we first moved in. So many memories of really good times and really bad ones too and all in between.  

On Tuesday night I was laying down and getting ready to drift off to sleep when I heard a loud bang on my window.  I wasn’t sure if someone had accidentally hit my window while walking by with a bike or what was going on. Then I heard someone say Fire!! I peeked my head through the curtains and saw a big black cloud of smoke coming from the next door neighbors door and windows.  I threw on some leggings and a hoodie and woke Damian up and told him to get dressed and we had to go outside quickly.  I grabbed my phone, keys and child and went out to the courtyard where the neighbors had come together.
 
The flames were billowing and I called 911 to make sure the fire department was on the way. I was put on hold and stayed calm mostly for Damian. He asked me why I didn’t grab our electronics and I told him those things can be replaced but not you or me.  Gratefully the fire department did come right away and was able to contain the fire.  It was devastating to see all the belongings thrown out and all the damage done.. Damian and I played Jenga to pass the time while we waited for the okay to go in our apartment.  I didn’t get any pictures of the flames because I was in such shock to be honest. And even a few days later I’m still kind of shaken up by it. 

The firefighters were wonderful and didn’t let the fire spread. My apartment which shares a common wall was not touched. I know 1000% that we were protected that night.  The only remnants of a recent fire when stepping into my apartment is the smell of the smoke and the chemicals from the foam that was used to put the fire out. No black markings on the wall or roof, no ash, nothing. 

God is so good in so many ways.  I honestly believe practicing my prayer for protection with my hula halau helped.  In class we would recite and sprinkle water all over our apartment.  As we watched the fire fighters fight the flames I was just praying and so grateful that everyone got out safely.  

I’m so grateful we are okay and our apartment was spared. Damian and I will probably still be processing this experience for a while. I learned a few lessons that night. Always be prepared.  Even having an extra change of clothes for us in the trunk would've been good if we needed to evacuate and stay somewhere else for the night. We are protected. My conviction is confirmed that I'm here for a purpose and last but not least, renters insurance is a must.

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Pausing is Part of the Dance

Pausing is Part of the Dance


It’s officially back to school time. Parents and kids are excited and nervous as we navigate going back to in person classes in the Bay Area.

This year’s start was an interesting one. Damian started off the week in a whirlwind.  Day one he got hit in the eye by a new kid who got upset after kickball. I’m so proud of him that he didn’t lose his temper and fight back. Day two he had a really bad tummy ache. Today is Day 3 as I write this and I wasn’t sure at first if he should go to school or stay home. 

In the past I would have just powered through it and made him go to school and pushed myself to go to work. This time I talked to a few trusted friends to see what they thought and I decided to trust my gut and keep him home.  Years ago I’d be so mad at myself if I needed to take a day off.  I’d freak out over how many hours I’d be getting and be worried sick and full of fear. Today thankfully it’s a different story.  I know when I trust in God and am open to the possibilities good things happen. Things start coming together more and more and this adds to the belief that everything happens for a reason.   

Maybe D was overstimulated and stressed from the transition from our very small circle to over 300 kids and starting a new grade with a new teacher. This was very different from second grade which was distance learning from home with me. Regardless, it was clear he needed his rest so staying home was the best option to spend the day together taking it easy. 

I got my child development bachelor's degree years ago and I’m using it in my own way by making a positive impact on families starting with my own.  We are more loving and kind to each other and our communication is so much better.  I had to work on myself first and I see now it’s how you treat people that impacts people  one way or another. In deciding to be kinder to myself, I am reminded that it’s perfectly okay and healthy to take a pause. I used to associate taking a pause as quitting and I don’t like giving up. Now I see the pause as part of the dance.  We go forward and back, take a spin here, go slower, or faster there. It’s all part of the journey.     

I give myself permission to take a rest day or a break as needed. I understand and appreciate those breaks now. I realize it's a way of honoring and taking care of myself.  Without the necessary pauses, we can dangerously burn out like the candle burning at both ends.  Let’s enjoy every moment because it goes by so fast! I can’t believe Damian is in the 3rd grade already! I share my light and message of love and care for ourselves, our keikis, and communities. Together we can have our positive impact be felt all over the world.   

If you liked this blog and would love to be part of my community where we deep dive into more like this, I invite you to join my group All Heart and Hopeful Resilient Moms Woke to Wellness.  Above all it’s a heart centered and positive safe place to share and grow together.  
 
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