I’m on vacation in Hawaii right now to spend time with family. Our matriarch Grandma Zorayda, or Grams as we affectionately call her, turned 91 years old. To celebrate, family came from all over the country. It was like a mini family reunion. I can’t remember the last time we were all together like this. The age range was from 8 to 91 years old.
My favorite part of the trip overall was the conversations happening. I loved hearing stories of how our family was connected and memories from different people. I loved hearing more about my moms childhood and stories of my Papa who passed in 2003. We laughed and cried together. At Grams birthday party my uncle from Nola was a riot. He sang Ilocano songs to my grandma and she was laughing hysterically. One of my cousins recorded it and Grams loves watching the replay and laughing just as hard as she did when it was happening live.
At dinner one evening, our party was large so we had to be seated at 2 different tables. I was at the “kiddie table” and loved it. I had a pretty deep conversation with my cousin about what I went through in the years we were apart. I told her about my desire to help other single moms to not feel alone but supported. I told her about the courses I’m creating and the life coach program that I’m developing. I told her that I realize now that having a big heart is my superpower when before I shied away from it and was taught to be seen not heard.
Last night was my favorite. The older cousins hung out and talked openly. No topic was off limits. We opened up and learned a lot about each other and the family. And I realized that what brought us closer together was having these talks. No judgment or criticism, just curiosity and openness. It was a beautiful thing and a huge contrast to how things were in the past. When we are kind and loving, showing aloha to ourselves and each other, we can have tough conversations, resolve any issues and get closer.
Now that I’m a parent I have an even bigger responsibility to continue the legacy by holding space and participating in these open and honest conversations and to be a safe place for my son to express himself fully. We may not always disagree but we can always be kind. If we need space it’s ok to take a pause for some fresh air or take a bathroom break.
Coming together with kindness instead of the rough and gruff fear tactics ways of thinking is a much better way. I choose to be loving and kind and have a positive impact on the world one day at a time and one conversation at a time.
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I’m here to report miracles. When I’m grateful more and more things come together easily and effortlessly. As I write this I’m on a plane headed for Maui. When I woke up this morning I dragged my feet going to work. Just a few hours I told myself, and then I’ll be free. After work I rushed home and proceeded to take care of a few things. Dishes, check. Trash and recycling check. Packed everything and double checked my luggage check check check.
Before I knew it my clock said the time time I was supposed to be at the airport. Oops. Last time I flew home I missed my flight and my step mom was already texting me where I was and if I was at the airport.
I called a Lyft and thankfully I got a nice driver who was friendly and reassured me that I’d make my flight on time. He even ran a red light so he got a nice cash tip. He dropped me off at the airport and I walked into the terminal. I found a self check in kiosk and I grabbed my luggage tags and boarding pass and got in line to give my bags to the airline so I wouldn’t have to worry about my big heavy bags. Once the bags were dropped off I got in the security line and waited patiently. I was praying the whole time and saying thank you. Before I knew it I was handing my boarding pass and Id to the TSA agent and getting scanned at security. I found my gate and asked where the preclear check was so I could bypass waiting in the line on Maui. I found a long line and asked if I was in the right spot. A lady got to the back of the line at the same time I did. Actually I was there first but trying to social distance and she went in front of me. My anxiety was already through the roof and now this lady cut me in the line. Woosah. I decided to not make a fuss. I was annoyed but I refused to loose my cool. The lady that cut in front of me tried to cut another lady in front of her and then a few minutes later a bunch of people leaving for Honolulu including the cutter had to leave for their gate. As I inched closer to talk to the agent and the person that could give me my wristband time was running out but I decided that I would try and if I had to wait on Maui so be it.
Then I heard my flight number and my gate called. I was one person behind and thankfully and gratefully I was next and I had all my info ready to go. The agent made some small talk as he looked at my documents. Finally he gave me my wristband and I walked to the gate. My group was boarding and I literally walked on the plane. I felt like I was floating. When I was on the walkway getting on the plane I video chatted Damian to tell him I was boarding and that I would see him in less than 5 hours.
When I found my window seat and row to myself I settled in and tears started flowing. I realized that my vision is coming true. The part where I say I fly back and forth from Hawaii to California easily and often just kept ringing in my head.
I am just so so grateful how everything worked out step by step. Divine timing was perfect and I am literally on cloud 9. Dreams really do come true.
At the beginning of the year I thought about what was important to me and how I wanted my 2021 to turnout. After 2020 I had the chance to pause and pivot while being on lockdown. In January, I came up with goals in several key areas of life. I thought about what I wanted my life to look like with my family, fun, finance, field, fitness, friends and faith. I came up with 3 goals in each of these categories and from those 7 goals picked the one that resonated with me the most. In my past, I probably would have easily picked fitness and to lose so many pounds. This time I wanted to do something new and different. I choose me, all of me. I decided my number one goal for this year was to be my own best friend.
Over half the year has gone by and I realized that it was time to check in and evaluate how things are going with my goal.
The first part of this goal was to get to know myself more. Like really get to know myself for me and really examining what’s in my heart of hearts. After becoming a mommy, raising Damian was my focus and overtook my life. It’s still definitely a huge part and I love being a mom but besides that who was I? I really thought about what values were important to me and why. In 2019 I broke up with my then boyfriend and I was sad but also relieved. I needed a break from trying to please others and start making myself happy. It was the first time I let myself be single and focus on myself first. In my past I’d go from relationship to relationship and I knew it wasn’t healthy. Instead I started to date myself. It was of course painful at first but now I like not having to answer to anyone and I do what I want when I want period.
After some self-examination with a heart centered approach instead of the harsh "shoulding" on myself constantly, I focused on the friendship part and thought about the relationships I have in my close circle. My tribe, as I call them, believes in me and reminds me of my awesomeness just for being me. They reassure me that my heart is one of gold and my resilience in how far I’ve come. They love me for me on my good and bad days and remind me I'm enough just the way I am. This year I've been more mindful about how I talk to myself and therefore treat myself.
One of the biggest parts of being my own best friend is listening to my gut more and being more confident in my skin. Taking a pause when needed to ask myself what I would really love and listen for the answer helped me be more in tune with myself. I am still very much a work in progress but I am happy that I am making myself a top priority after neglecting myself for many years. I’m grateful for my tribe and the unconditional love they give so freely.
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For many years I was in survival mode. I wasn’t sure when I got home from school or work if I was going to walk into peace and calm or insane chaos. I was only focused on staying safe and making sure I was getting to work to collect my paycheck. I had severe anxiety and depression and had no idea how I was going to keep this rat race up. I felt like a mom zombie going through the motions and barely surviving because that’s what I was expected to do.
Thankfully a couple years later, I connected with my life coach Lauren. She spoke at a workshop at my previous job and her message really resonated with me. I respected her because she was intelligent, articulate and kind. Before her the life coaches that I met before her kind of made me feel like they were trying to fix me. Lauren was different and I could tell that she believed in me and still does
I remember a story she told at the first workshop I heard her speak at. She told a story about a fisherman who every time he caught a fish would hold it up to a broken off ruler. If it was smaller than the ruler he would put it in his cooler and if it was longer, he would throw it back into the water. This happened over and over. This got the curiosity of a younger, less experienced fisherman. He went up to the older fisherman and asked about his interesting strategy. The old man explained that the broken off ruler was the size of his frying pan. It was funny yet thought provoking.
It’s a funny story because why not get a bigger frying pan for bigger fish to fry. And its thought provoking because it made me wonder how many times in the past I’ve put limits on myself either knowingly or unknowingly that stopped me from opportunities. It’s a good reminder that the possibilities are endless.
One of the biggest tells of a good mentor is one who practices what they preach and Lauren definitely does that. When I first met her she had just left her teaching job to start her coaching business and she is blowing up. When I see the success stories of her clients I knew that I had to say yes and get help too.
If you liked this blog and would love to learn more about Lauren Brollier, check out her website www.soulsavvy.com. I can not recommend her enough!
I know the answer to this question can look different for everyone. When we say someone is strong we could get the picture in our heads of a bodybuilder lifting 300 pounds easily. Or maybe it’s doing a100 one handed push ups. In this case i”m not talking about physical strength although that is important too.
I used to think being resilient is true strength and I believe it still is but I think there’s more to it than that. Bouncing back everytime does take a strong person. One who won’t give up and doesn’t quit. But to me true strength is being resilient and authentic and vulnerable and bottom line real.
Sometimes the people that shout from the mountaintops say they are being real but something about their energy gives off something different. They might feel the need to say they’re real but do the actions match up? Actions speak louder than words is a phrase I’ve said often throughout the years. Sometimes people aren’t ready to get vocal about deep issues that can be triggering for others. Fear tries to creep in when right before big shifts.
Maybe you’re not ready to do a Facebook live or share part of your mess with the public. I get it. I’m still working on it myself and I choose to get better at it. The main thing that keeps me going is thinking about all the people that need my help to walk through their fire. They won’t know I can help if I don’t open up. I also choose to tell my story and what worked for me and what I needed. I don’t really appreciate when people tell me I should do something or change this and do it this way. And I do my best to not be bossy and judgmental anymore. It doesn't feel good but in the past when I thought I was helping I was actually hurting more. It’s important to remember that each of us have our own way of doing things. We must be kind even if and especially if someone’s way of doing things or processing is different than ours. It doesn't make it right or wrong, just different. Bottom line to me true strength is being kind and loving even when there’s a disagreement and being vulnerable and open to have difficult conversations that are deep and can be life changing.
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