A couple years after my son was born I looked in the mirror and couldn’t believe what I saw. I hated the person standing in front of me. My focus was on the extra weight and how exhausted and stressed out I looked. I was essentially a robot going through the motions and doing what I needed to survive. I hated my job and I felt so lonely. I was super depressed and my anxiety was through the roof. I tried therapy and medication but it wasn’t working for me. I knew I had to do something to switch it or I would go down an ugly dark path of no return.
I was in the middle of a very stressful relationship with my son's dad. I knew I had to start taking care of myself even if it was baby steps. The happy, outgoing, friendly and fun Leslie was no longer in this body and I had no clue how to get her back. I wanted to enjoy life but I had no clue how to.
I started looking online for ways to help me lose the weight. Thankfully I found a community of women on Instagram that was inclusive and supportive and spoke my language with mermaids, unicorns, glitter and sparkles and all pink everything. Little by little I was doing the things. I started working out most days even if it was only 15 minutes and changed my eating habits. I was so desperate to lose the weight that I would do anything to get me there. After I put my son down to sleep I would sneak upstairs (we lived at my ex’s moms house) and meal prep in the dark because I didn’t want to wake up anyone or worse have to answer when asked what do you think you’re doing? It wasn’t my house so I felt weird meal prepping when everyone else was cooking “regular” food. As time went by, I was getting more and more motivated. The weight started coming off and for a couple years I stuck it out and lost over 50 lbs. People were saying, “You look good” and “awesome job!” but it never went to my head or heart. I just brushed off any compliments or people noticing. The strangest thing to me was that even after the weight loss, I still saw the same person I saw in the mirror. I still hated myself more than ever.
Looking back I see that I was still people pleasing and not truly honoring myself. I thought doing what people wanted to get their approval would make me happy but I was wrong. I know that I create my own reality and life doesn’t happen to me. I have a choice and I have power within to change my story. I took my power back one day at a time by realizing and accepting that my life was unmanageable and I needed help and I asked for help wherever I could find it.
I had a few more rock bottom moments and I gained some of the weight back but even with that, my life today is so much better. It’s a totally different picture. I love myself more than ever. I took two years (which is a long time for me) to be single and really focus on myself and it’s paid off big time. Peace of mind is priceless. I have my own apartment that is close to my job with better pay and less stress. I started my own business a few years ago and shifted my business model from product to heart centered service. I got connected to an amazing business mentor that speaks life over my business and inspires me and others. My friends are loving and thoughtful and also keep me accountable. I love that we are encouraging each other to dream big and inspire others. Opportunities appeared that I never thought would happen and things just get better and better. I am so happy and grateful. The main change had to take place in me before my life could change. I had to realize my worth and build my confidence up. I had to trust myself again and remind myself that I am love, lovable and loved. I’m still a work in progress. I hope that sharing my story and putting myself out there inspires other moms to not give up and to find support and help. Life is way too short and I want to live it to the fullest with no regrets and with those that I love each day.
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